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July 19, 2023

Lisa Murkowski is the perfect mascot for Senate Republicans.  She is a Democrat in all but name, an aristocrat who inherited her office, and a beneficiary of rigged elections.  She has more in common with Nancy Pelosi than the average Republican voter, and every time Alaskan Republicans attempt to throw her out of office, Mitch McConnell’s minions manipulate the rules to save her.  

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For McConnell, Murkowski is another beholden senator kept securely in his pocket who will vote how he wants on any given day.  That might not be so bad (except for the good people of Alaska, whom she purportedly represents) if McConnell were not also an aristocrat who routinely betrays Republican voters.  However, because his loyalties lie with President Xi, multinational corporations, the World Economic Forum, and his good friend Joe Biden, China Mitch uses the leash around Murkowski’s neck only when he needs help sticking it to the American people.  And oh, how Senate Republicans love to screw over the American people!

I mention this person because she and other backstabbing Senate Republicans (think John Cornyn, Mitt Romney, John Thune, etc.) got together to do their version of Festivus in July, during which they told The Hill how much they absolutely loathe normal Republican voters.  “[O]ur party is becoming known as a group of kind of extremist, populist, over-the-top [people] where no one is taking us seriously anymore,” Murkowski laments.  

Our party?  Alaskan Republicans tried to cashier your rear years ago, and you thumbed your nose at their wishes, ran as a write-in candidate, and got elected by Democrats.  Instead of stripping you of your ranking position on choice committee assignments, Senate Republicans celebrated your “victory” over the actual Republican nominee (and Tea Party favorite, Joe Miller) by preserving your seniority.  Last year, Republicans again tried to be done with you, and McConnell and his boys rigged the election by implementing ranked-choice voting — an incumbent protection racket that also defeated Sarah Palin and sent a Democrat to the House!  Deep-red Alaska can’t represent conservatives’ interests when Senate Republicans work with Chuck Schumer to benefit Barack Obama’s favorite candidates!

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That is the absurdity of the Murkowski position.  She and her ilk believe that the Republican Party should be represented by individuals who adore Barack Obama, voted for Hillary Clinton, and consider child-sniffer Joe Biden a close personal friend.  And because she is too daft to grasp the mood of the country and such a product of venal nepotism as to have scant self-awareness, she thinks the riffraff will eventually see things her way.  If they actually had elections in Alaska, Murkowski’s campaign slogan really could be “Let them eat cake,” and nobody would bat an eye.  It is what abused voters expect when Dirty Mitch McConnell’s election-riggers continue to hand out fortune cookies to the natives advising, “You shall be represented by a Democrat in Republican clothing.”

Yet Marie Antoinette Murkowski is hardly the only Senate nincompoop with her head buried several fathoms deep in quicksand.  Numerous Republican members of the House of Lords peered peevishly through clenched monocles while tsk-tsk-ing their alleged constituents and telling The Hill how horrendously difficult it is to use the powers of the Senate to become filthy rich while the “deplorables” outside their doors refuse to go away.  

“There are an astonishing number of people in my state who believe the election was stolen,” said one dumbfounded Republican senator too cowardly to go on the record.  I suppose when Senate Republicans steal an election for their contemptible colleague Murkowski, watching Democrats steal battleground states with mail-in-ballot dumps just feels like normal politicking — what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, after all.  For normal Americans who know cheating when they see it and do not speak Parseltongue, though, the whole flock of geese appear dumb, corrupt, and quite deserving of being stuffed with figs and made into foie gras.

Another pusillanimous Republican hiding behind anonymity bluntly revealed his/her/their aristocratic proclivities by noting that “the kind of people who think the election was stolen … it’s not just a ‘red-neck’ thing.  It’s people in business, the president of a bank, a doctor.”  Oh, my, you mean the only Republicans either (1) lacking sufficient common sense to question how Unpopular Joe could win 81 million votes or (2) so filled with moral turpitude that they aided and abetted the Democrats’ 2020 steal are those Republicans who sit in the Senate’s chamber?  Sacré bleu!  Quelle surprise!  On behalf of rednecks everywhere, you prissy “elites” sure are stupid!  Never has one group of people so merited a collective swirlie.

In a comment that registers high on the mother-of-all-cluelessness scales, that same lily-livered shrinking violet above also whined, “In my state there are a lot of folks who see Washington as disconnected, they see their way of life threatened.”  Duh!  Republican voters have been making this point for decades.  Please, take this worthless central bank digital currency and buy some ears and a working brain.  When Republican voters don’t just fall into line, he continued, their rejection of the Uniparty “makes it a lot more difficult to govern, it makes it difficult to talk to constituents.”  There it is: the unvarnished truth.  In order to preserve “democracy,” we must install dictatorship.  Snap to, proles!  There can be no dissent in this (mal)functioning Republic!

What can normal Republican voters say to a group of Republican senators who do not represent them faithfully?  They sound like a bunch of hyperventilating prima donnas standing one stair up from ground level while promising bemused onlookers that they might just jump unless they get their way.  Go ahead, jump, fools!  Then walk over to the left side of the aisle, where you belong.