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November 8, 2022

Barring a 3 A.M. multi-million ballot dump, the Republican Party is set to take control of both the House and the Senate.  From this result, I foresee two scenarios unfolding.

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First, there is the reaction of the Left, which will be not to form a circular firing squad, but rather an infantry square, firing at anything outside their insulated box.  Since the Party can never err, it must be the fault of saboteurs, hoarders, kulaks, former Republican presidents, and those insufficiently devoted to the cause.

First and foremost, they’ll blame their Useful Idiot, and before 2024 they’ll use promises of ice cream to lure him into the group home lounge to watch The Price is Right to make way for a more cognizant sock puppet.  They’ll blame Big Tech for not sufficiently censoring “misinformation.”  They’ll blame suburban white women.  They’ll blame nonexistent voter suppression.  They’ll blame white supremacy, transphobia, and ableism.   

They’ll blame the voters’ priorities, such as Chris Cillizza pooh-poohing concerns about crime by explaining to us that “perception often matters more than reality.”  The documented increase in aggravated assaults, burglaries, robberies, and motor vehicle thefts is just your perception, poor child. 

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They’ll borrow from the Obama playbook, like Rep. Elissa Slotkin (D-MI) did, and lament that they again did a “poor job of communicating” their grandiose vision to the unwashed masses.  Use smaller words, fellas, smaller words. 

And they’ll flat-out bare their seething contempt for the citizenry, as David Frum did when he wrote this that “voters can’t be expected to apprehend the longer-term consequences of the votes they cast.” Frum attributes 2014 Republican election gains to fear of Ebola, and claims that Putin’s threat of nuclear war “excites” conservatives, but don’t let that sully your appreciation for the burden he carries of thinking for the rest of us. 

The Left will blame everyone and everything other than their own putrid ideology.  They’ll continue to plow forward, full steam ahead, without moderating their agenda an inch. 

Second, I fear that, having won a majority, congressional Republicans will comfortably settle into doing what they do best: keeping the chairs warm for the Democrats.  Republicans have held majorities in both chambers simultaneously with the presidency from 2003 to 2007 and again from 2017 to 2019.  This is a cumulative total of six years they’ve had free rein to enact their agenda.  What do they have to show for it?  Other than a couple tax cuts and trade deals, nothing.

Did they reform education or break the teachers’ unions?  Nope.  Bush gave us No Child Left Behind.  Did they reduce the bureaucracy?  Nope.  They expanded and empowered it, with the grotesque Department of Homeland Security, the Patriot Act, and star chamber FISA courts (now weaponized by the FBI to target American citizens on behalf of the Democrats).  Did they secure the border and begin seriously deporting illegals?  Nope.  When they do discuss immigration, they push “comprehensive” reform (i.e., amnesty) alongside their Democrat counterparts.  The last Gang of Eight four Republican representatives were Marco Rubio, John McCain, Lindsey Graham, and Jeff Flake.  Need I say more?

We haven’t had a true conservative speaker since Newt Gingrich.  Dennis Hastert was a sexual predator.  John Boehner was a literal crybaby.  Paul Ryan was beyond useless, and is one of only two adults ever to have been alpha-maled into obscurity by Joe Biden.  At least Corn Pop fought back.