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July 7, 2023

Almost a year ago, I “buried” an adult son freshly graduated from an elite university. He informed us that he was gay, non-binary and wanted us to use they/them pronouns. Knowing who I am and my very clearly expressed beliefs on pronouns and all things non-binary, he knew this would rankle his parents, but we received this news with grace and class. No one was thrown out of the house. Nothing was thrown in anger.

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But this came out of left field. We were in shock and deeply saddened. The boy and young man we raised and knew so well vanished in an instant and was replaced with someone we didn’t know or understand. Somewhere along the way, he fell asleep, and the pod people got to him despite everything we did to protect, forewarn, and even arm him against the tentacles of the LGBTQ+ Cartel.

Years back, when I fought this in California, our school’s headmaster derisively asked if I was afraid my kids would “catch” being gay. My concern, I retorted, was the impact this messaging would have on impressionable kids, all of whom have moments of self-doubt and confusion. Telling them that their feeling of being different and alone could be solved by being gay – which was at the heart of the Diversity movement in the schools—would mislead kids and ruin lives.

Seeing where we are today, I’d say I won that argument.

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It’s never easy to hear the “I’m gay news” unless you’ve always known a child was on a different path in terms of his/her sexual orientation. For many parents, the knee-jerk reaction is to embrace this revelation out of fear of losing the relationship. That is an individual choice. But if your values and the future of this nation are important to you, don’t be afraid to stick to your guns even if those relationships suffer. Don’t capitulate like Ohio Senator Bob Portman did. Once a staunch opponent of same-sex marriage, he became one of its loudest advocates after his son came out. You can love your gay child and maintain a relationship with him but still hold fast to your beliefs, morality, and traditions.

Image made using photo from our-team.

That said, with Woke-Cancel culture and the intrusion of all things LGBTQ+ into all aspects of our lives, and demands for acceptance versus tolerance (more on that later), it has admittedly become challenging to accept a child’s choice while maintaining your values.

During the “coming out” conversation, we realized that, with the help of ignorant and not very worldly therapists who didn’t care to meet with the family, our son had rewritten the entirety of his childhood in the most simple and yet profound way: Although the baby of the family in a vibrant, supportive, and loving home with other siblings, he informed us he never felt loved. That belies hundreds of hours of videos, thousands of pictures, and a lifetime of shared memories.

To say we were shocked is an understatement. Ironically, my husband and I walked away with the same impression—he’s so not gay! Even my adult children agreed, and they are very accepting of the LGBTQ+ community. But this is now his reality. So, what is going on?

This seemed more about a political statement; a way to “give it” to your parents; a way to be noticed and special; and a way, at least temporarily, to figure out who you are.

Young adults have always gone on journeys for self-exploration, looking for meaning and trying to find themselves. In the 60s, they dropped acid and lived in ashrams or communes. In the 70s and 80s, they trekked through Europe on a dollar a day. Today, they go on gender journeys.