The mainstream media mangle the truth in their collective effort to push America toward a communist-styled government. Imagine the reporting if today’s one-sided leftist media had been around in April 1865.
The Civil War, with approximately 600,000 casualties, ended on April 9 with a decisive Union victory. On April 15, a war-weary President and Mrs. Lincoln, along with some guests, went to the Ford Theater to see My American Cousin and then…
Announcer: This is Counterfeit News Network. We interrupt our regular programming with a bulletin. We go to our CNN studio in Washington, D.C.
Anderson Blooper: Ladies and gentlemen, we have just learned that President Lincoln was shot. We take you outside Ford Theater, where the Secret Service is holding a news conference.
Secret Service Spokesman: …the hallway leading to the presidential box at Ford Theater was sloped, which is why we didn’t have anyone standing guard outside…
Anderson Blooper: We’ve been informed that the injured president, and we do not yet know how serious his injuries are, was transported across the street to the Petersen boarding house. Let’s first go to Dana Rash inside the theater.
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Image made using a YouTube screen grab.
Dana Rash: It’s mayhem as attendees wonder if they should wait for the show to continue or go home. Let me speak to some theatergoers. Sir, can you tell us what happened?
Attendee #1: The show was on, and then, suddenly, there was some activity up in the president’s box. We didn’t know if it was part of the show, but I kind of figured it wasn’t when Mrs. Lincoln started screaming, and there was blood on her dress.
Attendee #2: This guy jumped from the box to the stage and yelled, “Hands up! Don’t shoot!” and then ran off. But he was limping, so maybe he hurt himself in the fall.
Al Sharpton: No show, no peace! If you feel discriminated against because you paid to see My American Cousin and the show was stopped after President Lincoln was shot, please contact me.
Dana Rash: Back to you, Anderson.
Anderson Blooper: Thank you, Dana. The crowd is growing in front of the Petersen boarding house, where we’re awaiting word on President Lincoln’s condition. But first, let’s go to John Queen for an analysis of what this means for the 1868 presidential election.
John Queen: Thank you, Anderson. If President Lincoln survives, this could give him an edge should he decide to seek a third term. However, if he dies, the edge goes to his vice president, Andrew Johnson, who would quickly be sworn in as president.
Anderson Blooper: Good analysis. Thank you, John. It’s been less than 30 minutes since President Lincoln was shot, and we have some polling data to report.
Harry Beaten: We polled 760 likely voters. Seventy-two percent said that if Lincoln survives the shooting, they will probably support him in 1868. Another 19% are Never Lincolns. The remaining 9% are undecided.
Anderson Blooper: We are going back to the Petersen boarding house for an update.
Fake Tapper: The press secretary came out and said that President Lincoln was shot in the left back side of his head, about an inch to the left of the medial line of the skull, and at the level of his ear. She will circle back later with more details. Anderson, it sounds serious, but we are waiting for confirmation.
Anderson Blooper: On the phone, we have former General George McClellan, who was the Democrat party’s nominee in the November 8, 1864, presidential election. Thank you for joining us.
Gen. McClellan: You’re welcome, Anderson.
Anderson Blooper: President Lincoln won the election in an electoral landslide of 212-21 and 55 percent of the popular vote. What are your thoughts as your opponent lies seriously wounded from a gunshot to his brain?
Gen. McClellan: I was born into a middle-class family…
Anderson Blooper: …sorry to interrupt, General, but our Chief International Anchor, Christiane Awomanpour, just sent this wire. It reads: Ukraine needs more money. Do you want to comment?
Gen. McClellan: I was born into a middle-class family…
Anderson Blooper: We are having technical difficulties and will try the general later. The Apprehensible Press (AP) is reporting that the lone gunman was the actor John Wilkes Booth. According to the AP, the military has several good leads and plans to shoot Booth dead before he can be held for trial and share details about what happened. There is a $100,000 bounty on Booth’s head.
In related news, Congresswoman Amanda O. Courtez of New York’s 14th District, which includes parts of Queens and the Bronx, has called for stricter gun laws. She told The New York Herald that the Second Amendment needs to be replaced with a green energy bill. AOC also said that climate change is the reason Lincoln was shot.
Let’s quickly go back to the boarding house.
Fake Tapper: The sorrowful crowd has grown since we last spoke to you, Anderson. They just issued a statement that the shot was fatal and President Lincoln will not survive.
Anderson Blooper: This is heartbreaking news as we seek to reunite the north and south of our nation and rebuild following the devastating Civil War. Let’s go to our panel to discuss the pros and cons of Lincoln being assassinated.
David Wheelrod: The next election is several years away, which gives Andrew Johnson ample time to forge his own post-war agenda.
Rosemary Temple: It will be interesting to hear what Never Lincolns say.
Coyote Blitzer: Once sworn in, President Johnson must get news of the Union victory to the Texas slaves. This will avoid adding a future federal holiday to the calendar.
Car Jones: Is there a conspiracy? Of the people in the Ford Theater tonight watching the play, how many have ever stayed at the Petersen boarding house?
Fareed Irving: Oy vey, this will affect corporations with “Lincoln” in their name.
Stock Jennings: History will show that Republican President Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves.
Everyone: Boo!!!
Rich Wallace: I wish I never left Fox News.
Anderson Blooper: Thank you all for your observations. (Removes his eyeglasses, battling to hold his emotions in check, and looks up at the clock). I am going to read a wire service report. President Abraham Lincoln died at 7:22 a.m. Eastern Standard Time.
When we return, we’ll discuss with Secretary of the Navy Gideon Welles what an Andrew Johnson administration might look like. Also, John Queen has another poll following Lincoln’s assassination. Coming soon, a contest guessing how many U.S. cities will be named Lincoln.
Keep it here for all the news and updates. We will take a short break. This is CNN.
Robin M. Itzler is a regular contributor to American Thinker. She is the founder and editor of Patriot Neighbors, a free weekly national newsletter. Robin can be reached at [email protected].
